50 Shades of Great Porn

I’ve never heard of E.L. James, the author of 50 Shades of Grey, before, but she’s now on my list of people I have to send Christmas presents to. The list already consists of the guy from the pet store that introduced my family to a bone with holes in it that you fill with peanut butter – something that apparently quiets down the world’s most loved and loudest barking dog, TJ from Elvis Duran and the Morning Show who put me on the radio, and the parking attendant in the lot I leave my car in each morning, because he gives me a daily compliment and starts my day off cheerily.

One of my best friends, Megan, told me about this book a month ago. I was in the middle of reading The Hunger Games trilogy, so I kind of shuffled off her ravings and put them on a Jen back burner. And then I started reading it on Tuesday night – and ended up reading 112 pages. Oh…my…Lord.

This truly is Twilight with porn incorporated into it (the only thing missing from Twilight, apart from a piano failing on top of annoying Bella). Although Ana annoys me just as much as Bella did, Christian Grey (aka the epitome of a man) well makes up for her immature and irritating narration.

Unlike the voicemail I left for Kaitlin upon finishing the third and final book in The Hunger Games trilogy, which was sobbing and telling her I was going to hunt her down and kill her with a bow and arrow for recommending the most depressing books on earth, Megan got an upbeat, “You are a goddess and a genius and a queen” voicemail from me that night. She agreed with my observations of her wholeheartedly.

There’s only one problem with the book – and when I say “one” I mean it. Besides the fact that you physically can’t put it down and, when you do, are left “unsatisfied” (wink wink) if you will, my best friend Kaitlin had it right when she said, “You will never look at guys the same way again…because no one can ever measure up to Christian Grey.”

This guy is physically perfect, and performs like a porn star, and actually cares about his girlfriend. What?! I read the book with a mixture of awe of Christian and hatred for Ana for getting him.

Fictional character, Jen; he’s a fictional character, I try and tell myself, but it doesn’t work. I am determined to jump into the pages and steal him away from her.

“I feel so dirty reading it, like I’m doing something wrong. I had it on my iPhone eBook reader on the plane back from Cali and had it tilted away from the lady who reminded me of my mom sitting next to me,” Kaitlin said.

“I know!” I jumped in. “I feel like everyone around me knows I’m reading softcore porn!”

“It’s so worth it,” Megan quickly added.

“Yeah,” me and Kaitlin breathed. And we all stared off into space for a full thirty seconds, thinking of Christian Grey and hoping there’s someone like him in this world.

Are you reading 50 Shades of Grey? Do you constantly look over your shoulder because the porn is so real you real like people know what you’re reading?

4 thoughts on “50 Shades of Great Porn

  1. I read all three books within a couple weeks. I was also reading it on a plane on my kindle and tilted it towards me so the person next to me couldnt see it. I am in love with Christian Grey. I heard rumors they are making it a movie. I don’t see how they could possible do it. Who would play Christian?
    I found out last week my mom read all three books. She didnt tell anyone because she was embarrassed but she loved them. I was a little disturbed by that Haha.
    Check out Ellen reading it for the audio book on YouTube. Hilarious.

  2. Kelly: That’s funny that we’re all secretly embarrassed to be reading it but all read it anyway! Haha. And I think we’re ALL in love with Christian Grey lol. I heard Ian Somerhalder from The Vampire Diaries and Chris Pine are contenders for the Grey title :)

  3. Someone just told me yesterday it was Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. Regardless it is a movie I will go see :-)

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